Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
