I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
