Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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