im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
