He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
