Got a toothbrush?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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