so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
