my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
