I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
