I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
