going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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