I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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