last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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