I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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