her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
