i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
