I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
