a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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