I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
