Someone shit on the floor
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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