Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
