This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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