I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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