And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
