Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize