I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
