she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
