Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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