Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize