So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My vagina just recognized that song.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
