I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
