1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize