just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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