I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
