I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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