How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
