She said her name was "party"
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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