saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
