I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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