i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
