Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
