I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
