I accidentally had phone sex last night
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
