I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
