well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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