I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize