Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
