textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
