Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I smell like Dick and happiness
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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