i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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