i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize