isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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