made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
