gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
