what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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