tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
