I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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