Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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