drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
