I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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