My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
