you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love you.
Bad choice
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
