...so i touched it.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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