Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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