I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
