My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
