I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
