After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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