I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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